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PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 12:32 pm 
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I need to finish Bad Blood to complete the revising of A Mouthful of Venom, and I need that story to revise Just a Statistic, and I need that story to properly introduce this one, but I still need to mull a bit over Bad Blood, so I'm going to break the chronological order a bit here.

Required readings: Another Day, Another Fight [Part 1: Warming Up] [Part 2: Corruption]
Recommended readings: Just a Statistic
Warning


Prologue

Part One: Down and Out

Part Two: Up and About

Epilogue: Onwards and upwards


notes

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Last edited by Huey Nomure on Mon Jul 02, 2018 8:02 am, edited 8 times in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 10:20 pm 
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I know that the prologue isn't terribly informative, but posting a part of the story motivates me to write the rest, so...

Well, I, for one, am very excited to see where things go from here!


A blurry, white-ish human figure was lumbering over her, holding a rat-sized, weird-smelling shape near her head.

Okay, so, this is going to seem like an odd thing to single out, but I just have to note that "rat-sized" is maybe now my favorite descriptor ever. It seems so oddly random as a point of comparison, but that's also what makes it so perfect. I just love this. :D

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 1:16 pm 
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I apologize to be this late, but I wanted to answer with the first chapter (of two, I think) of this story and it wasn't easy. Thank you for reading and commenting!

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Okay, so, this is going to seem like an odd thing to single out, but I just have to note that "rat-sized" is maybe now my favorite descriptor ever. It seems so oddly random as a point of comparison, but that's also what makes it so perfect. I just love this. :D

Believe it or not, it was the fruit of some intense pondering! I find coming up for specific descriptors for people with very different life experiences quite challenging at times. I'm glad the result was good :D

Part One: Down and Out

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Last edited by Huey Nomure on Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:39 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 12:22 pm 
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Hey, Huey.

I'm really sorry that it has taken me this long to get to this story. Things have been absolutely crazy for the last three weeks with starting my new job, and I've had only small patches of time since then. Today, though, I was able to sit down and dig into this, so I do finally have comments for you. Again, I'm sorry it took so long.

Prologue


Chapter One

Thanks for posting, Huey! I'm looking forward to seeing where this winds up going!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 7:49 pm 
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I'm really sorry that it has taken me this long to get to this story. Things have been absolutely crazy for the last three weeks with starting my new job, and I've had only small patches of time since then.

It's ok, I had a feeling that I didn't post this in a very good moment, schedule-wise.

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I was really confused by the line "Shari's roaring laughter echoed from her memory." I had no idea if this was a different character, or a nickname for Sharaka. From the way it was dropped in, I assumed it was a name I was supposed to recognize from Sharaka's stories, but a search of the forum only brought up this story and your Thamirelk write-up, which seemed to confirm the nickname thing. The whole thing just really threw me off.

Well, I decided to make Sharaka a very common name among the viashino because I liked the idea to have a character named "fantasy-John", basically :D I switched to "The roaring laughter of her friend Shari echoed from her memory", maybe a bit wordy but hopefully clearer.

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I did not go back and reread "Another Day, Another Fight" before reading this, so while I remembered the general state in which Sharaka made her exit, I did not remember the specifics. So yeah, that reveal was very well done.

Long story short, her left arm was hit by a powerful necrotic spell cast by the Reaper (though she barely noticed because of her mental state) and she conjured a massive version of a spell specifically invented to sublimate viashino bodies, 'walking immediately before losing consciousness. "Sharaka burned" is practically the summary of what she did before she was found by Elphimas, poor girl...

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Thanks for posting, Huey! I'm looking forward to seeing where this winds up going!

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Unfortunately my creative thoughts have been monopolized by Fayn lately, it may be a while before I come back to this.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:03 am 
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I'm really sorry that it has taken me this long to get to this story. Things have been absolutely crazy for the last three weeks with starting my new job, and I've had only small patches of time since then.

It's ok, I had a feeling that I didn't post this in a very good moment, schedule-wise.

Sadly, at least for me, there won't be a whole lot of "good moments" to catch stories anymore, except maybe in the summer, or on long weekends like this. I'm very thankful for my new job, but between prep time, working hours, travel time, and unwinding afterwards, it does take up a huge chunk of my day.

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I was really confused by the line "Shari's roaring laughter echoed from her memory." I had no idea if this was a different character, or a nickname for Sharaka. From the way it was dropped in, I assumed it was a name I was supposed to recognize from Sharaka's stories, but a search of the forum only brought up this story and your Thamirelk write-up, which seemed to confirm the nickname thing. The whole thing just really threw me off.

Well, I decided to make Sharaka a very common name among the viashino because I liked the idea to have a character named "fantasy-John", basically :D I switched to "The roaring laughter of her friend Shari echoed from her memory", maybe a bit wordy but hopefully clearer.

I'm not sure that I understand the desire to make hers a common name, but yeah, it does make things confusing when you just drop other Sharakas into the story without context, particularly in a story that also features Elphimas, who has their own issues with things akin to multiple personalities. But the change to "her friend Shari" clears that up a lot.

Quote:
I did not go back and reread "Another Day, Another Fight" before reading this, so while I remembered the general state in which Sharaka made her exit, I did not remember the specifics. So yeah, that reveal was very well done.

Long story short, her left arm was hit by a powerful necrotic spell cast by the Reaper (though she barely noticed because of her mental state) and she conjured a massive version of a spell specifically invented to sublimate viashino bodies, 'walking immediately before losing consciousness. "Sharaka burned" is practically the summary of what she did before she was found by Elphimas, poor girl...

Yeah, I was able to get to that by the end of the story. If I had reread the others first, I probably would have remembered the specific injury.

I also like, since you brought up the "Sharaka burned" line at the beginning, that it reminded me of Daneera's stories, and how every Daneera story I've written starts with a two-word sentence: "Daneera _____" where the blank is a verb. It was always sort of my subtle way to show that Daneera is very much about action, even when that "action" is something like drifting (Planes of the Dual-Walkers) or watching (Instinct). Because I also think of Sharaka as being very much about action, I liked the similarity there.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:42 am 
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I also like, since you brought up the "Sharaka burned" line at the beginning, that it reminded me of Daneera's stories, and how every Daneera story I've written starts with a two-word sentence: "Daneera _____" where the blank is a verb. It was always sort of my subtle way to show that Daneera is very much about action, even when that "action" is something like drifting (Planes of the Dual-Walkers) or watching (Instinct). Because I also think of Sharaka as being very much about action, I liked the similarity there.

That was completely unintended :blush: there are some remarkable similarities between them, though.

Spoiler

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:33 pm 
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Just a quick note that catching up with this is very much on my to-do list. Thanks for continuing to share, Huey!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 4:35 pm 
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Sod it, I'm posting the WIP of the first half of Part II.

Part Two: Up and About

notes




And this is the part I'd like to work in.
Spoiler

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:33 pm 
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I am -- at long last! -- caught up on this story, and I'm really enjoying it so far! Thanks again for sharing, Huey!

Like Raven mentioned, one of the things which I enjoy most about Sharaka stories -- and this one in particular -- is the really great way that you emphasize smell as one of the ways that Sharaka engages with the world around her. It feels very true to the character, and it's also very different from most of the other sorts of stories out there, and that's one of the things which makes it exciting to read. Her observation in part one about the healers smelling like soap is a wonderfully-observed detail, which immediately feels very, very true to me. Similarly, I love the language you use around Sharaka's bedridden perspective, and way that it almost sort of inevitably starts to influence the way that she thinks. I love her comment about wanting to be propped-up so that she can look at people, instead of up their noses. There's a grim kind of humor in it, but, again, it feels very real.

At times in part one, I had a little trouble following the flow between what's happening now, in story terms, versus Sharaka's recollections of the past. But I think that's actually the way I'm supposed to experience the story, because, of course, she's in that similar half-in-half-out state, and the narration sort of reflects that. So, just to be clear, I think it's a feature, and not a bug! :)

I feel an inordinate affinity for Eliana. Not sure why. I almost get the sense that there's more to her than we're seeing, and that more may not be a good thing. But I still find myself liking her rather much.

Like Raven said, I think the reveal about Sharaka's arm is really nicely done, and that moment of shock is palpable. Then, in part two, I guess am just a little bit surprised about how philosophical about it she already seems to have become? Adjusting to the hard facts of life is probably in character for her -- goodness knows, she's had enough practice -- but I can't shake the sense that she has gone from shock and anger to rolling with it pretty well in a short period of time. I find myself wondering if she ever has phantom pain, or ever momentarily forgets about it, goes to do something, and then feels that renewed sense of shock?

Anyway, like I said, I'm enjoying the story very much so far, and I look forward to subsequent chapters! Thanks again for sharing!

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 4:16 am 
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Like Raven mentioned, one of the things which I enjoy most about Sharaka stories -- and this one in particular -- is the really great way that you emphasize smell as one of the ways that Sharaka engages with the world around her. It feels very true to the character, and it's also very different from most of the other sorts of stories out there, and that's one of the things which makes it exciting to read.

To be honest, if I didn't have that describing the humans' emotions and motivations would be very hard :V I'm happy that turns out to be a plus, and glad that I'm learning to use her sense of smell better.

Quote:
Her observation in part one about the healers smelling like soap is a wonderfully-observed detail, which immediately feels very, very true to me.

That made me realize that being clean every day must be weird for Sharaka :D

Quote:
Similarly, I love the language you use around Sharaka's bedridden perspective, and way that it almost sort of inevitably starts to influence the way that she thinks. I love her comment about wanting to be propped-up so that she can look at people, instead of up their noses. There's a grim kind of humor in it, but, again, it feels very real.

Again, Jumpingjacktrash's The Rule Of Transformation may have been an inspiration. For the nose thing I thought really hard about what detail would drive Sharaka crazy/weird her out, and since she's always been around snout-equipped creatures, human noses would be high on the list.

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I feel an inordinate affinity for Eliana. Not sure why. I almost get the sense that there's more to her than we're seeing, and that more may not be a good thing. But I still find myself liking her rather much.

Well, to use Wilde's words, she's a Woman With A Past. She wasn't always nice (and sometimes it shows) and she wasn't always an high rank cleric; notice that we see her only use light barriers, small beams of light and something very similar to Recumbent Bliss. She may not even be a healer, for all we know! :D

What do you think about Ilay? Their appearance is not exactly necessary (it only ties with the outtake), so if it's not interesting/enjoyable I could leave it out.

Quote:
Then, in part two, I guess am just a little bit surprised about how philosophical about it she already seems to have become? Adjusting to the hard facts of life is probably in character for her -- goodness knows, she's had enough practice -- but I can't shake the sense that she has gone from shock and anger to rolling with it pretty well in a short period of time. I find myself wondering if she ever has phantom pain, or ever momentarily forgets about it, goes to do something, and then feels that renewed sense of shock?

Well, Sharaka is, in fact, a person who adapts quickly to her environment. As soon as Sophron and his Shackles went out of the picture, she conformed to slavery in a matter of days. The shock and anger were mostly caused by the irrational link from amputation to culling the flashback formed; as soon as she's able to actually think, she immediately realizes that culling is not a real danger... maybe? Her mother had her leg amputated after the incident that caused her PTSD. It's a complicated issue, and working it all in a piece where Sharaka is struggling to understand the here and now...

That said, phantom pains and moments of forgetfulness are things that may happen; I'll probably add a few moments about them.

Quote:
Anyway, like I said, I'm enjoying the story very much so far, and I look forward to subsequent chapters! Thanks again for sharing!

Thank you for reading and the nice comment! This story should conclude with the second chapter (a bit longer than the first) and a quick epilogue.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:52 pm 
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Second chapter complete (but not finished, I'm still pondering about adding details. Probably will make a third chapter, "Onwards and Upwards".

Part Two: Up and About

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Last edited by Huey Nomure on Sun Jan 21, 2018 6:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:16 am 
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Hey, Huey, I'm just dropping in to say that I WILL read this, but things are pretty swamped for me right now. Work's getting crazy as everything is coming due, and on top of that, I close on my house tomorrow and will be spending most of that next week trying to get moved in to it. Sorry, but like I said, I will get to this as soon as I am able.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:34 pm 
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Hey, Huey, I'm just dropping in to say that I WILL read this, but things are pretty swamped for me right now. Work's getting crazy as everything is coming due, and on top of that, I close on my house tomorrow and will be spending most of that next week trying to get moved in to it. Sorry, but like I said, I will get to this as soon as I am able.

Not a problem, I jotted down the last dialogue kind of winging it and I think I'll add a bit of flesh in the coming days, though I could be convinced to leave it to the bare minimum.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:01 pm 
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Question: Is Sharaka's name pronounced "shuh-RAH-kuh" or "SHAH-re-KAH"? Or some option not covered by those two choices?


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:59 am 
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Landis963 wrote:
Question: Is Sharaka's name pronounced "shuh-RAH-kuh" or "SHAH-re-KAH"? Or some option not covered by those two choices?

For the sounds, imagine Sharaka is a Japanese word: every A sounds "uh" (or cAr, I guess). I tend to put the emphasis on "ra" because I'm Italian and that's the penultimate syllable, but I'm not sure whether the Burnspine viashino share that tradition, so that's not a hard rule.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:26 pm 
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Hey, Huey! I finally got to this, and I'm very glad I did. Good stuff! I'll put my comments in a spoiler block, but in terms of general impressions, I think this is excellent!

Spoiler


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:01 pm 
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Spoiler


Thank you for reading and the heartwarming comment!

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 3:16 pm 
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Epilogue: Onwards and upwards


Alternative title: Gender is Hard.

(This epilogue is more than twice as long as the prologue, basically half a chapter. Does it feel weird?)

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:25 pm 
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@Epilogue: I like it! The meditation scene is a nice way to wrap it up. There's a really appealing parallelism with the Prologue, which starts out as "Sharaka burned," which she does here too, and her meditation also parallels interestingly with her panic attack from the prologue. I also like Sharaka's continued distrust of Elphimas despite trying to trust him.

And the discussion, and potential foreshadowing, of the gender issues was interesting. I look forward to seeing where that goes.

I can't help but picture Sharaka, maybe lying back on the grass and becoming increasingly annoyed and bored at Elphimas's long-winded, overly technical explanation of planeswalking and the Blind Eternities. It reminds me of the time in War of the Wheel when Denner is trying to figure out how Antine could have possibly gotten lost:

Quote:
He didn’t understand it. He had been so careful with his explanations to Antine. He had carefully explained how, if the fox would simply follow what Xac of Tryx had named the “third subconverginal nuance of the aether” until he encountered a transpulsar wave, and then continue along a quasidirectional manafluxional line, he would arrive right where Daneera and the others were. He couldn’t understand how the fox had gotten lost!


I wonder if any of us could possibly understand a hypothetical conversation between Elphimas and Denner...

I noticed several typos right in a row in the second section. I didn't jot them all down, but they started with this line:

Quote:
Did he really thought nothing of being brought to tears like that?


Thanks for posting! I look forward to seeing where Sharaka goes from here!


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