Second chapter complete (but not finished, I'm still pondering about adding details. Probably will make a third chapter, "Onwards and Upwards".
“Good morning, Sharaka. What are you doing?” Eliana asked. The viashino had heard the door open, but hadn’t bothered to look at the familiar guests.
“Speeding up my molt,” Sharaka replied, scratching out the last old scale from her jaw. She lowered her snout and met the boy’s gaze. “I apologize for yesterday, Cyrus, I wasn’t thinking.” Sharaka averted her gaze to explicitly renounce contrast. “It won’t happen again.”
Cyrus nodded, still tense, and lowered the bucked of itchy fluid he was carrying to the ground. Eliana smiled warmly at the boy and the viashino. “That’s good to hear. Are you sure that what you’re doing is healthy, Sharaka?” The woman stepped closer with a bowl of rabbit stew in hand, inspecting the patches of shiny new skin.
“Maybe? I’ve done it more times that I care to remember.” Sharaka rolled on her right side with difficulty; she extended her tail behind her as support and moved her lower legs beyond the border of her weird raised bed. “What I am sure of is that the itch of the old scales drives me crazy.” She tried to sit up like that – sitting with her tail between her legs was almost impossible without using an arm for support, and mighty uncomfortable besides - but her muscles gave out halfway there.
“You shouldn’t exert yourself, Sharaka, you need to give your body time.”
“Screw that,” Sharaka hissed as she tried again, with the help of magic this time. The stab of pain from her back was so hard that her vision flashed red, but she was successful; she took a few deep breaths and beckoned for the food with her hand. “You can’t use caresses if you want good steel.”
Eliana gave the viashino the bowl with a frown. “Judging by the attempts at first aid of our smith, forging wisdom should remain in the smithy.”
Sharaka tried to take the bowl with her left hand; grimacing, she lowered the stump and used her right arm. “And here I thought throwing ill people into a bonfire and hammering them into shape was a valid healing procedure,” Sharaka mused as she savored the first morsel of rabbit.
Cyrus broke into laughter. Sharaka stared at him, nonplussed, and waited for the boy to stop as she ate. When he did he shook his head, out of breath. “I’m sorry, it’s my nerves. It’s all so absurd…”
Sharaka smirked in return. “How come he laughs at my jokes and you don’t?” She asked Eliana.
“Because I make a point of not laughing at deflections,” the woman replied, warm as ever.
Sharaka rolled her eyes. “Yeah, alright, I’ll make sure not to snap myself in half or something. Happy?”
“It would be in your best interest to respect your healing body,” Eliana said as she took back the empty bowl. “I can tell you enjoy physical exercise, but I see you’re not used to be bedridden for more than a few days. Please keep in mind that the limits of your body will not be the same until you recover completely, which may happen weeks after you regain to ability to walk. In practical terms, if you try to do something and your body gives out, I suggest you wait a while before trying again.”
Sharaka thought about arguing, but eventually she just nodded; just sitting up for a few minutes had drained most of her energy, even without taking back pains into account. “Can I keep scratching off the old scales? They’re really annoying.”
“If you’re already molting, treating scales you’re going to shed shortly sounds like a waste,” Eliana observed as she looked at the crumpled scales on the viashino’s back. “We should probably just help you remove them. Is there a standard alternative to claws?”
“The most popular is using the back of a knife, but I think it’s best for everyone if there are no blades pointed in my general direction,” Sharaka said with a grimace. “Anything with a sharp wooden edge is fine, though. Just avoid stakes, if you can forgive my pickiness.”
“Nothing resembling a weapon,” Eliana summarized. “I can hardly object to that.”
Sharaka nodded. “Did Elphimas told you about the obscure power I supposedly awakened?”
“He did,” Eliana said, “but we agreed you should only talk to him when you’ll be able to walk on your own to the library.”
Sharaka knew that kind of ‘we agreed’. It meant ‘I said it, and nobody had the nerve to cross me.’ “Afraid I might do something stupid?”
The following silence was a clear enough answer.
* * *
Eliana continued to be surprised by the speed of Sharaka’s healing, but the viashino was just disappointed with her own body.
The next day, her back showed its resentment by aching so much she could barely prop herself up on her elbow by evening.
The second day, Sharaka was able to sit up for a few hours and even managed to stand up for a few seconds, though she had barely caught herself on the bed when her knees yielded.
The third day, she was able to walk to her room’s door, though she had spent an hour to do so and wasn’t sure she’d have been able to return to bed without Eliana’s assistance.
The third night Sharaka woke up because of a new smell. A human, unannounced, creeping on her at night. Sharaka fought not to tense up, feigning to be still asleep, while she gathered mana and breathed deeper to learn more. The human smelled… young, afraid but very excited. Even younger than the small shepherd she had seen during her first raid, when Sharaka herself was little more than a hatchling. Even in her weakened state, such a young human could hardly represent a danger to her. Sharaka opened one eye.
The dark-skinned youngling was barely higher than her bed, with a big head full of curls of black hair. It was staring at her tail, its eyes wide and its mouth half open. Its gaze slowly moved from the tail to her legs, then to her arms; when it stepped forward to get a better view of her head, the youngling noticed her open eye and froze, radiating fear like a cornered hare. Sharaka remained motionless for a while, and eventually the human’s excitement surpassed its fear again.
“Um… hello?” it whispered tentatively.
“Hello yourself,” Sharaka whispered back; the young human’s eyes grew even wider.
“You’re very big,” the youngling observed.
“And you are very small,” Sharaka replied, deadpan.
“Are you… a dragon?” The youngling asked, fear spiking.
Sharaka fought back the instinctive snarl. “My kind killed those beasts. I’m viashino.”
“Nice to meet you, Viashino,” the youngling said, “my name is Ilay.”
“No, my name is Sharaka,” she corrected, “and I’m viashino.”
“I don’t understand,” Ilay said.
“You are human, I am viashino,” Sharaka explained. “Your name is Ilay, mine is Sharaka.” She wondered if she had been that slow when she was Ilay’s size. Probably worse, she had always been big for her age.
“Ah. Got it.” Ilay remained for a while. “Wait, dragons are dead?”
“As far as I know.”
“I knew it!” Ilay said, snapping its fingers triumphantly. “My father said a dragon would swoop down and eat me alive if I was bad, but I never saw a dragon. I bet he never saw one too.”
“Either.”
“Huh?”
“I bet he never saw one either.” Sharaka rolled her eyes at herself. Teaching a human youngling to speak, Sharaka? Really? What was next, adopting one?
“Yeah, that’s what I meant,” Ilay blurted loudly, evidently disappointed by the fact the huge talking reptile was correcting its speech.
Sharaka heard muffled noises from outside. “Do the guards know you’re here?”
Ilay looked at the door. “Do you think they’re waking up?”
“They’re asleep?” Sharaka chuckled. “I’ve got half an idea to laugh out loud now.”
“Please don’t do that,” Ilay said, and tiptoed away from the bed. The youngling put its ear to the door. “I should probably go.”
“Yep,” Sharaka replied. Ilay slowly opened the door, looked one way and the other, then sneaked outside.
The next morning, Sharaka was able to walk to the door – she still had to keep her hand on the bed or against the wall to keep her balance - before Eliana could show up. When Sharaka stepped outside, both guards – one short, old and white, the other tall, young and black - turned to stare at her, hands on their sheathed swords. She replied with the widest smile she could manage without showing teeth.
“Such valiant warriors,” Sharaka said with all the sweetness she could muster. “Did you have the night shift as well?”
The guards exchanged a look, then the older one spoke. “Yes?”
“I was just curious,” Sharaka replied innocently, “did you find it particularly…” She smiled again, this time displaying all her teeth. “Resting?”
The old guard harrumphed. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh, I’m sure you don’t. Such vigilant guards…” Sharaka should have probably stopped teasing them, but it was too much fun. “There’s no way anyone, especially a youngling, could sneak in here under your watchful eyes. Not a chance.”
The young guard caught up faster. “A child?” It scanned the room behind her, fear spiking, evidently looking for traces of blood and gore on the walls.
“You’re misrepresenting the attractiveness of human meat, my intelligence and my eating manners all at once. Kind of impressive,” Sharaka commented drily.
“Do you kill kids, monster?” The young guard half-unsheathed its sword, and Sharaka instinctively gathered mana in her lungs. Before the viashino could articulate an answer, the old guard put a hand on the other human’s shoulder. “Stop right there, young man.”
“Listen to old age’s wisdom,” Sharaka commented; the old guard harrumphed again. “I promised Eliana to stay put as long as you behave; unsheathe that sword, and someone will have to explain why there’s blood splattered on her abbey’s walls,” she added, leaving no doubts about who she thought would be left standing.
A moment of tense silence followed. Even the old guard was eyeing her warily now, though its hand was still on the other’s shoulder.
Sharaka inhaled sharply as a jolt of pain came up her left arm. She had to learn to mind her tongue. “Listen, the kid came in while you were sleeping, we talked a bit and left without a scratch. I just wanted to tease you. I get we’re all nervous - I'm alone and surrounded by strangers, for one - but don’t assume I’m a bloodthirsty monster just because I’m scaly.” She had tactically omitted the Cyrus incident… and anything she had done before waking up in the abbey, for that matter. “So can you please sheathe that sword before Eliana comes and uses us for target practice?”
The appeal to higher authority seem to work. The young guard stepped back and returned to its position, still openly glaring at her. As if summoned, Eliana’s smell reached Sharaka’s nostrils, and the old woman appeared shortly after.
“Good morning. Please step inside, Sharaka, I’m not going to wash you in the middle of the hallway,” Eliana said calmly. “If you think going back to bed is a major setback, I seriously doubt you’ll be reaching the library today,” she added when Sharaka was about to protest.
Sharaka rested for a bit after Eliana was gone, then climbed out of the bed and resumed her struggle with verticality. There were two different guards this time; only one of them stepped hastily back, but both of them kept a hand on their sword. They were both fair-skinned, red-haired and of the same height; the smiling one was brawny, the skittish scowling one was lean. Sharaka realized she should have planned something to say before engaging them.
“Hello there,” Sharaka began. “My name is Sharaka. Has Eliana told you I have to go to the ‘library’?”
“She has said you might try, though she doubts you’ll manage before next week,” the smiling one said. “I’m Lywinn, she’s Lucita and yes, we’re twins.” They certainly looked the same, but while Lucita had the slightly rank scent of the constantly angry, Lywinn smelled… she smelled a lot like Nive. “Though everyone says I’m the pretty one,” Lywinn added smugly. Lucita scoffed at that, but the corner of her mouth turned up slightly. “Alright, we’re both stunning, but most people become jumpy when you glare at them like you’re about to bite their... appendages off. Someone likes it, though. What about you, scaly hunk?” She asked with a winning smile.
Sharaka stared at the talkative twin, nonplussed.
“Are you flirting?” Lucita said, echoing the viashino’s thoughts. The lean twin sounded vaguely horrified, but kept staring unblinkingly at Sharaka. “Please tell me you’re not flirting with the giant reptile, Ly.”
“Nah, just messing with you,” Lywinn said with a wink.
Sharaka wasn’t too convinced that was the case… and, surprisingly, she realized she didn’t mind. “Taking advantage of the sick? The excitable elders must adore you,” she replied with an amused smile. “Which way to the library?”
“They do,” Lywinn laughed, and pointed her free hand at Sharaka’s right. Good. Sharaka started to walk down the corridor, keeping her hand against the wall to maintain her balance. The twins stepped behind her; when the viashino looked back, she noticed both twins still had a hand on their sword. Smart girls.
“Barak told us a kid sneaked in your room last night,” Lywinn said after a while. “Did they tell you their name?”
“Yeah, but I’m not telling,” Sharaka replied.
“Why?”
“Because I want to see if they manage to sneak past you again,” Sharaka chuckled.
“A bit mischievous, are we?” Lywinn asked, amused.
“You have no idea,” Sharaka teased.
Lywinn laughed. Lucita made a disgusted noise.
“You’re not worried for the child, I take it?” Sharaka asked after a while. Talking distracted her from her trembling, aching muscles.
“Eliana personally vouched for you, so that’s settled in my book,” Lywinn said. “You gave us a big scare last week, though. I’m pretty sure Cyrus didn’t deserve it, poor boy.”
Sharaka cringed. “Yeah, not my best moment. I was not feeling well.”
“So we can expect you to behave now?”
Sharaka nodded, too focused to talk. She was beyond exhausted by the end of the hallway. It “Are we halfway there?”
“Not even close,” Lywinn said apologetically. “A quarter of the way, maybe. More like a fifth, actually.”
Sharaka looked back. Her room was the fourth of eight, and the whole hallway wasn’t twenty paces long. “Goblin icicles, hungry dragons and uncaring spirits,” She swore.
* * *
The next day, Sharaka was able to reach what Lucita swore was the middle of her route. “I counted the paces,” the human said.
“That’s mighty sweet of you, sugarball,” Lywinn teased.
“Shut up, slut,” Lucita replied, with no real animosity. “Headless chickens have a better sense of direction than you.”
“They do,” Lywinn admitted serenely. “Good morning, Aron.” The robed human froze at Sharaka’s sight, not an uncommon reaction, but relaxed a bit as it saw the armed twins. Aron gave them a wide berth anyway, and it was the twin’s turn to relax; amiable as Lywinn was, she tensed up like her sister whenever someone came within ten paces from Sharaka. The viashino thought of Nive again. Was she dead? Did they know each other? Sharaka shook her head. Elphimas had a lot of explaining to do.
“Time to head back,” Sharaka declared when Aron had left the hallway. This corridor was wide and tall, with high windows through which the viashino could see a big square space, almost five paces below, with a well and a few trees. Humans chatted or rested in the trees’ shade. Sharaka was reminded of the few blessed free afternoons in the Mother Forge’s strict training. Sweet hours of friendly challenges, urgent mating and lazy basking in the summer sunlight. Immersed in reminiscing as she was, the viashino barely noticed a twin asking something. “What?”
“Why stop here?” Lywinn asked again. “From here, the library is exactly as far as your bed.”
“Because I’m pretty sure I’ll pass out as soon as I get there,” Sharaka replied. “So unless you want to drag my unconscious body all the way to my room…”
“Back we go,” declared Lywinn breezily.
* * *
“Stairs,” Sharaka said, disheartened. The library was apparently at ground level.
“Yep. You didn’t warn her about stairs, sis!” Lywinn teased.
“Sun almighty, Ly, I’m going to strangle you one day, I swear,” Lucita snarled. It seemed to be a sore spot. “The library is just at the end of this flight. Is it a problem? Are your… feet too long for the steps, or something?” The grumpy twin eyed the steps critically. She smelled genuinely concerned.
“No, it’s just going to be awful,” Sharaka replied, and climbed down the first step. She almost bit her tongue at the resulting pain.
“That was a lot of creative swearing,” Lywinn commented when Sharaka had arrived at the end of the stairs. “Did you even stop for breathing?”
“Ingressive speech has its uses,” Sharaka hissed, her throat raw. “This door, right?”
The library was a very tall room that smelled of dust and old parchment, with undertones of ink and despair. The last part came from a small group of kids, bent down to scribble under the stern look of an old robed human. Sharaka collapsed on the closest bench, and the wood creaked pitifully; the young humans stopped scribbling and started staring at her in silent astonishment. The old human smelled more irritated than surprised.
“Eliana told me Elphimas would be here.” Sharaka’s words echoed in the silent library. Lucita winced.
“Viashino or not, I expect you to follow the library’s rules,” the old thin human’s voice boomed. “Be quiet.” The kids looked at the robed human as it had just transformed in a dragon.
“Listen, I lack both the energy and the will to stand up now,” Sharaka whispered at the twins. “Can you find him, please?”
“If Elphimas is here he’s on the third floor, I’d bet my ass on it,” Lucita whispered back, “I’ll fetch him,” and left.
“Third floor?” Sharaka hissed. “Why did I have to climb those damned stairs?”
“You can only get there with Eliana’s permission,” Lywinn explained, “and the only doors are on ground level anyway.”
Sharaka made a face, then glanced at the woman and wagged her brow. “What if Elphimas is not on the third floor?”
Lywinn stared at her for a moment, then snorted. “You’re positively nasty, Sharaka, I thought I was your sweetheart,” she said with mock indignation.
“I’m all for sharing,” Sharaka replied innocently.
Lywinn barked a laughter, which died ingloriously under the robed human’s glare.
“Here they are,” Sharaka said, smelling Elphimas’ illusion.
The blue mage was carrying two large books - Lywinn had explained the concept to Sharaka the day before, since viashino used scrolls – while Lucita had a whole pile of them with her. He laid the books on the table, across the table from Sharaka, and gestured for Lucita to do the same.
“I planned to go through these books before sunset,” he said as he sat down, the familiar faint smile on his lips, “I would like to read while I speak with you, if you do not mind.”
Sharaka shrugged. “How and where did you find me?”
“Straight to the point,” Elphimas observed, opening the first book. “Lucita, Lywinn, can you please take a few steps back? This is going to be a very private conversation. And not related to… intimate encounters, Lywinn, regardless of my choice of words.” The talkative woman showed Elphimas her tongue, then both twins backed away slowly, their hands laid loosely on their swords. Elphimas kept turning page after page as they did.
“I found you on a nonspecific patch of grass not far from here,” Elphimas began once they were out of hearing range. “I could bring you there, but I think it is mostly irrelevant to your tale. How I found you, on the other hand… I sensed your arrival through magic. The movements of inexperienced planeswalkers are not hard to track if one knows what to look for, so to speak.”
“Walking? That’s the big dormant power I have?” Sharaka sneered. “That’s a bit underwhelming.”
“A name can be misleading, indeed,” Elphimas conceded, “though that is not our only one. In some planes, we are remembered as Starfolk, in others-”
“Wait, Starfolk?” Sharaka said. “The Starfolk I was taught about were almost omnipotent shapeshifting spirits who can travel anywhere in the blink of an eye. Those Starfolk?” Sharaka didn’t feel very omnipotent at the moment, legs at the verge of cramps and back aching.
“Sounds accurate, except most of us are not literal spirits,” Elphimas replied, “we were incredibly powerful, so much so that some of us ruled on dozens of worlds as monarchs and gods. The ability of changing form has disappeared together with most of our power, though we still retain our characteristic ability of traveling through the planes of existence – that is why we are called ‘planes walkers’, by the way.”
“Talk about being late to the feast,” Sharaka commented. A moment later, an idea struck her mind. “Wait, does that mean I can come back home?”
“Exactly,” Elphimas’ smile widened slightly. The blue mage turned another page. “Once you are healthy again, I will gladly help you to return to your home plane.”
Sharaka’s hope turned to fury. “You could have brought me back from the beginning and you left me here?” She snarled, opening and closing her right hand. Her left stump prickled.
“It is complicated,” Elphimas tried. “The Blind Eternities, the space – which is not exactly a space – between worlds, is-”
“Screw your complications!” Sharaka roared, her claws leaving long carvings the table. The robed man cleared its voice. “And screw you, smug scarecrow! Elphimas, give me a good reason or I’m going to eat you alive,” she growled. “Did you want to study me, you sick excuse for a person?”
Elphimas winced, and stopped turning pages. Bullseye.
“That’s what I am to you! A bloody specimen!” She stood up, her muscles fueled by pure anger, bench clattering behind her. “You’re no better than Sophron, you disgusting-”
“It might kill you!” Elphimas screamed, Sharaka smelled adrenaline, and heard swords being unsheathed-
- two armed humans – step outside reach – breath in - gather mana – no magic on foes – armor - no helmet – easy prey - ignite and NO!
Sharaka’s staggered backwards as the blast of fire ricocheted from her closed nostrils back to her throat. She coughed dark smoke and waited for the white spots on her vision to disappear.
Lucita was right in front of Elphimas, shielding him with her body; Lywinn was at her sister’s side, sword leveled at Sharaka’s throat. The table had been toppled, the books scattered on the ground; the kids were long gone. Sharaka looked away from the swords, not eager to pit her self-control against her fighting instincts again.
“Back away,” Lywinn ordered, her tone glacial. “You’re going to disappoint Mother Eliana, you know?” She added, half-joking. Lucita had a betrayed look in her eyes. Sharaka smelled tears.
Sharaka thought of sitting back down, but she remembered she had knocked the bench away, and she wasn’t able to pick it up in her condition. She slowly stepped back, her legs trembling from the stairs and the fading adrenaline, until she was able to use the wall behind her as support. “Explain,” she hissed.
“I am s-sorry, I really am,” Elphimas eventually stuttered, his words broken by sobs. “I followed the tr-tracks of many… many of us, and… it feels jus-just s-so meaningless...” Elphimas sniffed and gently moved Lucita aside so Sharaka could see him. The vedalken had dropped his disguise; unsullied by magic, the sorrow he radiated was so pure and hopeless Sharaka had to fight back her own tears. There was no place for lies in that misery.
“The experience-ced ones push me away or hide their tracks, but th-that I can underst-stand… ‘sick excuse for a pers-son’, as you s-said…” Elphimas’ illusion fell back in place. “But the neophytes… their tr-tracks end so abrupt-t-tly, and s-s-s… s-sometimes I find th-their bodies…” his voice was strangled. Sharaka did not want to think of what she would feel like if she returned to the Forge only to find an endless trail of blood and smashed eggs, thank you very much. Lucita looked sick. Lywinn’s sword, on the other hand, was perfectly still, her eyes wary and emotionless.
“S-some want to travel away from the gutter where they live, and get mauled by wild animals in forests they only dreamed about. Some want to flee war, and land in a world that slays them as monsters,” Elphimas said without interruptions, as if telling their tragic stories was somewhat comforting, “Some want to return to their beloved ocean, and end up drowning it its depths… Even after decades of ex-experience, the Eternities are not s-safe for a weakened mind.” That last sentence sounded personal. “Do you unders-stand, Sharaka? Please, please, don’t th-throw away your life…”
“I won’t,” Sharaka blurted. She would have said pretty much anything to make him stop talking; she also wasn’t thrilled at the idea of ending fried in the Forge’s belly. “I’ll wait.”
Elphimas crumpled on his seat, covering his face with his shaking hands. Lywinn gestured for Sharaka to exit, and patted Lucita on the shoulder. Elphimas’ droning followed them out of the library until Lucita mercifully closed the door behind her.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…”
Climbing the stairs back up was torture, and the thought of the unsheathed swords behind Sharaka kept her taut as a bowstring. She collapsed on her bed as soon as she reached it, and didn’t try to move for the rest of the day. She only wanted to sleep and rest, but she couldn’t help thinking back to Elphimas’ words.
Was she able to return to the Forge alone? Elphimas thought it possible, if dangerous. Sharaka had said she would wait, but what if her kind needed her? The day when she had been captured… it was very hot, well past midsummer. How many weeks in the arena? Nive had also lost count. Thirteen? Whenever Sharaka tried to count her opponents, her memories became blurry. She went with thirteen. Almost a season, plus the days Sharaka had spent in the abbey… it was close to winter. But here the weather felt like late spring... Elphimas probably had the answer. Were they so far from the Forge the seasons were different?
Anyway, winter turned the Inner Passes in a nightmare for any attacking force, and the tribes were ready. The humans would be stopped by the first snow, and then any division caught among the Passes was as good as dead. Furthermore, there was no way the humans had reached the passes if the skirmishers Sharaka had been a part of were still alive and keeping them busy.
Unless…
No. It was impossible. Deathless warrior spirits or not, the mages keeping them material had to rest and could be killed, Sharaka was the living proof of that. The Forge was safe.
It had to be.
* * *
“Good morning, Sharaka. How do you feel today?” Eliana’s tone was as calm as ever.
“Better than yesterday,” Sharaka replied, cautious.
“Good,” Eliana said, putting the bucked of itchy liquid on the ground. “Would you mind explaining what happened in the library, then?”
“Long story or short one?” Sharaka sighed.
“Give me the necessary context, please,” Eliana replied after a moment, borrowing Elphimas’ expression.
Sharaka took a deep breath. How far back should she start from? “Six months ago, the human army invaded my land. I volunteered to join the groups who fought to slow their advance. After what I thought were the worst three months of my life, I’ve been captured and sent to the arena as a slave, where I was forced to fight to entertain other humans. I was fighting a wretched rigged duel to the death when I…” Another deep breath, to keep her voice level. “I lost control and ended up here.”
“Humans taking slaves?” Eliana smelled slightly shocked.
“Yeah, you're a different kind of humans, I'm sure" Sharaka commented flatly. "Anyway, that should explain why I don’t respond well when I discover humans cut my good arm off while I was passed out, or when I’m told I could have been brought back home but I wasn’t because theoretical nonsense, or when two armored humans draw weapons on me while I’m already worked up.”
“The twins said they had to act to prevent you from killing Elphimas,” Eliana said in a conversational tone.
“Prevent me from what?” Sharaka shook her head, nonplussed. “I thought Elphimas was keeping me away from home because he wanted to study me, so I figured he deserved a couple of choice words. That’s it. Then they drew on me and that was when I had to work to keep my fighting instinct in check.”
Eliana considered Sharaka’s words for a moment. “Didn’t you threaten of, and I quote, ‘eating Elphimas alive’?”
Sharaka tried to remember. “No… maybe? As I said, I wasn’t at my best,” she admitted. She sighed and scratched her neck nervously. “It’s not that serious of a threat among viashino, but I should have known better.” She hung her head. “I’m an idiot.”
Eliana shook her head. “No, you’re adjusting from a situation of complete hostility to one where many try to help you in flawed ways. Please forgive me for my insolence… have you ever had human friends? Positive human acquaintances?”
Sharaka thought of Nive. “Maybe one tried, when I was a slave. I didn’t trust her.” The memory of the young woman’s enthusiasm was weirdly bittersweet. “Before then… nothing I can remember.” She had very few memories of the Outer Range before her mother’s incident and after that, she had lived in the Forge.
Eliana nodded. “You’re also living every hour of your day surrounded by humans. Even when you sleep, I bet that the awareness of this fact keeps you on edge. This not a suitable environment for you to heal, or even relax properly.”
Sharaka shrugged. “This place is fine, really.”
“Better than a cell, I hope,” Eliana commented with a lopsided smile, “but can you really feel comfortable here? Is this a place where your mind can rest and heal? I know you’re tough, Sharaka, but absence of pain is not comfort.”
Sharaka opened her mouth to reply, but the words died in her throat as she noticed her hand clenching the corner of the bed. It had happened before; she was resting, or casually chatting with the twins, and she would realize some muscle had tensed on its own. At first, she had dismissed it as an effect of the pains, but… “I’m still an idiot.”
Eliana took a deep breath. “Do you want to know what I think you are?”
Sharaka shrugged. “Impress me.”
Eliana flashed a sly smile at that. “You are an impulsive and physical young woman that likes to be strong and tough, and likes being perceived as such even more. You don’t equate strength and toughness with worth in other people despite them being among the very few traits you appreciate and respect about yourself.” Sharaka made to reply, but Eliana raised a hand to signal she wasn’t done. “You are able to keep an open mind despite your upbringing. Finally, you own up to your mistakes, sometimes to a fault since you’re quick to insult your own intelligence.”
Sharaka stared at Eliana silently for a while, listening to the old woman's words echoing in her head. “Count me for 'somewhat impressed'. Your point being?”
Eliana smiled again, this time more warmly. “You are neither particularly flawed nor stupid. You carry significant physical and mental wounds, however, the healing of which is hindered by staying in a distressing environment.”
“I see no remedy to that until I learn the way back home,” Sharaka replied.
“I concur. Still, I’d advise you to be more patient and forgiving in the meantime, especially with yourself,” Eliana said smiling patiently. “As I said, sometimes people are just trying to help in flawed ways, they may be grateful if you teach them how to help you better. And there are situations where time is an irreplaceable requirement to get better. This advice helped me more time that I can count, and I think it could serve you just as well.”
"Yes, but..." Sharaka tried and failed to find the right words, and eventually she just shook her head. "It's all so frustrating."
"I don't expect you to become a paragon of patience and forgiveness," Eliana replied with a peaceful smile. "And learning to let go in a place that makes you tense is at least twice as hard. Just try to give others a chance to help you on your own terms." Eliana locked eyes with Sharaka before continuing. "And more importantly, respect your need for rest and comfort. You deserve it, Sharaka. Make a truce with yourself; mistakes should be occasions to learn, not tools to self-flagellate. You are worth the time and the effort, don't tell yourself otherwise."
Sharaka looked away, her breath suddenly ragged, blinking away tears she couldn't explain. Words failed her.
"I'll let you think about it," Eliana said warmly. "I'll come back in a few hours to check on you, if that's alright."
Sharaka closed her eyes and nodded. When the door closed behind Eliana, Sharaka buried her head in the bed and let tears flow.