It is currently Sat Oct 20, 2018 8:42 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Scenes from Nimba Mioze
PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2018 8:47 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
A few dozen scenes from several interconnecting storylines have been swirling in my head, and it's probably time to set them free. No guarantees that they'll come in chronological order, that they'll have titles, that they'll add up to a full story, that the main characters will ever meet each other, or even that I'll keep posting on any sort of reasonable schedule, but if I can get at least one out per month I'll be happy. Who knows, I might even edit several together into a real submission.


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2018 8:48 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
Hints of Home


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2018 11:12 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 8891
Neat. I look forward to seeing how this all comes together (if, indeed, it does!) I like these sorts of story-driven world builds, so it will be pretty cool to see how this world shapes itself.

@Hints of Home


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2018 9:50 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
@Raven


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:07 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Nov 04, 2013
Posts: 5081
I regret that it's taken forever for me to comment on this, Brentain, but I read it, and I love it! Thank you so much for sharing!

I'll basically echo all of Raven's comments, for starters. There's an almost palpable sense of weariness at the beginning -- that feeling of being too tired, of the weight of time and memory just being too much, really comes through. I also love the little detail about searching for flavor, and being reminded of home. Similarly, I love the contrast at the end, between the innocuous, fragile beauty of a small, simple thing, and the greater ruin it portends.

Really, really great stuff! I look forward to more!

_________________
"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 1:06 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
There's an almost palpable sense of weariness at the beginning -- that feeling of being too tired, of the weight of time and memory just being too much, really comes through.

That wasn't really intentional, but I'm glad it works. I was probably channeling my own great grandmother a bit there.

I also love the little detail about searching for flavor, and being reminded of home.

Something about the way you phrase that reminds me of Uprooted. Probably not a theme in my writing, but who knows?

Similarly, I love the contrast at the end, between the innocuous, fragile beauty of a small, simple thing, and the greater ruin it portends.

Speaking of which, I found this on a different page of my notebook:

Butterfly of Starvation
Creature — Insect
Flying
Echo
When this creature's echo cost is paid, target player sacrifices a creature.
1/1


Really, really great stuff! I look forward to more!

Thank you! And... soon, I swear. :paranoid:


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2018 9:21 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
Our second stop on Nimba Mioze takes us east, into the foothills of the mountains. (Not that you're expected to know or even care about the geography of the land, really. It might not ever matter. It's not like I plan for the old man from Hints of Home to do all that much more traveling, after all. You know what, just forget I mentioned it.) Enjoy!

The Carpenter


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2018 9:44 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 8891
@The Carpenter


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:48 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
@RavenoftheBlack


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:51 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
Once again, no guarantee of a connection with anything else, but I feel like this comes from even farther east, on the other side of the mountains.

Memories of Smoke


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2018 12:33 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 8891
@Memories of Smoke


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:22 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
@RavenoftheBlack


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:07 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Oct 19, 2015
Posts: 889
Location: Homestuck rehab center
Identity: Inertially male
Preferred Pronoun Set: he/him
I apologize for not reading these before. A collection of short scenes has a charm on its own, like this thread was the dictionary that explains the language of the world so we can understand its nature. It would be a great way to lay the groundwork for a following streamlined narrative, but it stands perfectly on its own. Is the order of the scenes a deliberate choice? Because the softness and simplicity of the second and third piece somehow eclipse the hinted tragedy of the first; they're... cozy? Memories of Smoke, in particular, feels like a nostalgic photo album, almost what this very thread could become in time.

I'm not sure this went anywhere, but even writing about it felt good. Thanks for sharing!

_________________
Johann the Bard (The Adventure Zone) wrote:

To anybody reading this, including my future selves: have a good life!

My M:EM creative archive


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2018 6:31 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec 04, 2015
Posts: 362
I apologize for not reading these before.

No worries. In fact, it's interesting to see a reaction to multiple at once.

A collection of short scenes has a charm on its own, like this thread was the dictionary that explains the language of the world so we can understand its nature. It would be a great way to lay the groundwork for a following streamlined narrative, but it stands perfectly on its own.

I'm glad it works! I was encouraged by similar threads, but mostly it's nice to have some of this actually out. Now let's see whether it lasts long enough for us to see the other characters waiting in the wings.

Is the order of the scenes a deliberate choice?

Well ... yes, but I wasn't thinking at all about the tonal disconnect. But if it matches the geographic disconnect, then hey, perhaps that does even more to temper expectations of a continuous storyline. On the other hand, I'm now reminded of the nine-act film structure, which starts out with something eerily similar... :paranoid:

Because the softness and simplicity of the second and third piece somehow eclipse the hinted tragedy of the first; they're... cozy? Memories of Smoke, in particular, feels like a nostalgic photo album, almost what this very thread could become in time.

I like the idea of cozy. And I can think of a few upcoming scenes that could also be described that way. :twitch:

I'm not sure this went anywhere, but even writing about it felt good. Thanks for sharing!

Reading it felt good, too. Thank you!


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group